4/09/2015

meet Josie!


Hi! My name is Josie. I fell through the ventilation shaft into Tom and Greta's horrible basement, where I hibernated through winter! I haven't seen the sunlight since October, it's time for me to join my friends!

Tom and Greta said they know the perfect place for me, can't wait!! COME ON GUYS!
 
 Whoa, I missed nature so much!!! This is exciting!

Let's have a short break. I haven't moved in many months! But where are you taking me?

Hi, animal friends! I'm going on an adventure!!!

Wait, wait, I want to pose by the pretty flowers. You know my angles, right? And make sure I don't look fat.

GUYS ARE WE THERE YET????

Oh my goodness! How did you know?

 Do I hear the river?

Thanks, guys! It looks great!

Yup, I'm definitely going to love it here. Feels like home!

 BYEE! Thanks for the adventure!

*good luck, Josephine, we grew to really like you!*

















4/07/2015

summer in my hair

Slowly getting back into lomography! Getting better at using my little friend, this is a last year's shot when I was still taming the focus and the shutter speed. But I totally fell in love with the double exposure... Can't wait to take it on more adventures!!

4/02/2015

spring break

Sometimes all you need is to get away, even if it's just for a day. I was so fed up with my dissertation, uni workload, job and just EVERYTHING that I felt I was going mad. But my boyfriend kidnapped me for a daybreak at two of his favourite places - Whitby and Scarborough. Wandering around and eating ice-cream on the beach was just what I needed before coming back to reality!

fake it til you make it

Returning to blogging seems impossibly hard, and yet I'm here. I have to admit, I forced myself to come back. But for over a year now, I've been fighting depression. I've learned to live with it, but these past months have been getting darker and darker. I used to be positive and my face always had a warm smile on - my creativity kept me going, and so many things were inspiring to me.

But something flipped in my brain and enabled self-hate. During the darkest breakdowns I can't control my mind, and after a while when I stop crying I sometimes notice I've been clawing my skin to the point where I draw blood. I have no memory of that and it disgusts me - I feel ashamed and hide the scars from everyone, which makes me isolate myself and push people away. I've been very lonely lately, which at first was my choice, and later I noticed that simply no one was around.

Why all this? I don't know. It just came. Maybe it's the fear of the future, of graduating and again losing my identity. Everyone around me is applying for jobs, going to interviews and spreading joy over their success. Me... I have no clue what I want to do. Where I want to go. And while I know it's natural, it's also very scary and it eats me alive. I felt like a failure, and eventually everything I used to love stopped bringing me joy. Draw? Why? I can't even do it properly. It never used to matter... People brought up how I should take pictures again, because it used to make me happy. But I saw no point. I'm not a professional photographer, nor I want to be, and I will gain absolutely nothing from snapping a photo of a pretty street. So why would I. I've been pessimistic, sad, negative and destructive. And I want to change it before it takes control over me.

I used to have excuses. I need to wait for spring, everything seems better in spring. I need to move out so I finally can own a pet and after a long day can come back to a lovely kitten. I'll be so much better once the stress of exams is over. One replaced the other, and now I know I need to start changing myself because nothing around me will do it for me. So I'm here :) Hi. I will write again, even if forcibly at the beginning, I do believe later I will be eager to share thoughts again. And be happy. And I will take pictures to put on here, even though now I see no point in it. Just because. And I'll find time to doodle. And I'll exercise. And I'll be me again. The one you used to know so well :)

Welcome back, and apologies for such a dark start.

Still yours,

Greta.